Dirty Dusting – The Customs House, South Shields

Writer: Ed Waugh & Trevor Wood

Director: Dolores Porretta-Brown

Reviewer: Ian Cain

The Public Reviews Rating:

Having toured all over the world and wowed audiences numbering hundreds of thousands, the phenomenon that is ‘Dirty Dusting’ has returned home to the venue that first staged it in February 2003, as part of the celebratory season that marks the fifteenth anniversary of The Customs House in South Shields.

As if that were not good enough news in itself, the roles of Olive, Gladys and Elsie have been reprised by original cast members Helen Russell, Jean Southern and Gwen Doran, and original director, Dolores Porretta-Brown takes the reins again, too.

This smash-hit comedy, written by Ed Waugh and Trevor Wood, tells the story of three elderly cleaners who are faced with being replaced by an agency of made up of younger, more efficient ‘environmental hygiene improvement operatives’ as part of a money-saving ‘rationalisation process’. We’ve all heard the corporate clap-trap before, but few of us would have the guts, determination and fortitude to tackle it the way our three Queens of Clean do.

Olive (Helen Russell), Gladys (Jean Southern) and Elsie (Gwen Doran) are determined that they’re not ready for the scrap heap yet and plan to prove it. As their final weekend of employment looms they decide to come up with a way of pepping-up their pay-offs and inspiration comes in the form of several ‘funny phone calls’.

After a few misgivings the three old dears decide that they will set up a sex chatline from the office and hence ‘the telephone belles’ opens for business. After several sharp intakes of breath and a few false starts (Gladys redirects a caller who is interested in water sports to the local recreation centre and swimming pool!) the game old gals get the hang of it and discover that they are really rather good.

As you can imagine from the storyline, the humour is decidedly rude crude and close to the bone. However, it is written so skilfully and delivered so consummately that you spend most of the two hours doubled over in hysterics. The one-liners are wickedly wonderful (Do you think these condoms come in port and lemon flavour?) and they come thick and fast, hardly giving you time to catch your breath.

Yet, for all the hilarity there are moments when you really do empathise with the three central characters. Of course, it’s not fair to write somebody off because of their age (just ask the BBC if you don’t believe me!), but it happens all too often in today’s society and many of the issues surrounding ageism are sensitively explored. We also find out more about the backgrounds and home lives of the women: one was trapped in a marriage that starved her of even the most basic affection; another was married to a rat who cheated on her the moment her back was turned, and the other was made to feel invisible by a husband who spent more time with his prize-winning leeks.

However, it is the comedy that dominates the evening’s proceedings and has the audience howling with delight. The three women are given the perfect foil in the shape of Bob Stott, as their ageist supervisor, Dave, and he plays the part for all it is worth. In less capable hands, the role could have been considered as something of a cameo, but Stott turns it into much more than that. As loathsome as he seems, the cynical, sneering Dave is also given a back-story that almost makes him redeemable: he is domineered and repressed by his overbearing elderly mother, which results in his resentment of senior citizens.

It is incredible to comprehend that Russell, Doran and Southern have a combined age of 250! They are never off stage, yet they never tire or coast through their performances, which surely says something for their energy levels and sheer stamina.

You shall have to forgive the puns, but ‘Dirty Dusting’ is a highly polished show that sparkles throughout – it’s sure to clean-up at the box office!